De tels beaux chapeaux!

That's French (according to Babelfish!) for "Such beautiful hats!" :)

Imagine my surprise when I opened my mailbox today to find a package from Paris containing deus *very* beaux chapeaux, "one in black with bling bling trimmings for those evenings out, and one in casual denim for everyday." (Artblog, I liked your words so much I borrowed them.) ;-)

Apparently this was an organized hatting. :) Thanks so much!!

Back on the upswing

I'm getting used to these "down for the count" Fridays post treatment, although I still can't say that I like them AT. ALL. They are the most annoying day in the world, and I feel kind of like the walking wounded, going from uncomfortable position to uncomfortable position. I don't get any relief from any of the drugs they give me or any of those that I take OTC such as GasX or Tums. And occasionally the bloated feeling gives way to something else (nausea and its wretched sidekick, vomiting) and I *feel* like a cancer patient.

But luckily those days are limited. I can just look like one; more of my hair is falling out now... but the physical side effects last me only that one day (well, perhaps part of the next). I don't know how I got to be so lucky; even though I don't feel lucky on Fridays I know it could be much, much worse. I hear stories of people who go through chemo and feel horrible most of the time, and so the fact that I have one bad day and two possible "eh" days out of fourteen possible days is really the best outcome I could think for all of this.

(Edited to add: I'm past my Friday for this cycle, Hallelujah! Next treatment is not until 6/6.)

I wonder if it's going to change, of course. I've read some Hodgkin's patients' stories that say that around the middle of treatment things got really bad in terms of fatigue (or pain or nausea or what have you) but I am holding out hope that things will remain status quo and I will make it through my "one day", one cycle at a time.

I'm a quarter of the way done, BTW. After the next one I'll be a third of the way done, and after that one I will need to figure out the complex fraction (haha - math not being my strong suit). We are planning a short weekend trip right before Independence Day. I am thinking ahead towards doing the "Light the Night" walk for lymphoma research, held in October. Once treatment is over. Over. Wow. Can I really think like that??

Our next big milestone, aside from the various fractions counted down with each chemo, is my next big scan. Friday, July 13.

I'm hoping it'll be my lucky day.

Seen on the back of a minivan...

"Having kids is like being pecked to death by ducks."

Oh yeah?? GIVE THEM BACK THEN and let those of us who want them give it a try!!

Grrrrrr.

Hair today, gone tomorrow

It's gone!
And I'm ok! I didn't cry once!

My wig, which previously looked odd due to my hair being all lumpy under the wig liner, looks natural! (Picture at left is the wig!)


And my head does not look funny with next-to-no hair!



Pictures to follow when I get them uploaded.

Updated - with pictures! If you disagree about my head, don't tell me. LOL.

The one I've been waiting for...

The one side effect, that is.

My hair is falling out.

In clumps in the shower.

Large amounts in my comb.

It's time to shave it off -- my stylist is getting a call as soon as the shop opens. I can't do this this way.

I probably won't go today, since we're going to Mother's Day dinner at my in-laws. But as soon as possible.

re:OPK's - for Msfizita...

Can you email me at the blog address shown on my profile?

Second verse, not quite the same as the first

It's only Thursday but it's been a long week.

I'd been feeling pretty good over the weekend and was thinking that this week wouldn't be too rough. I was mistaken.

Tuesday I had a portacath put into my upper chest (near my collarbone) which is where they'll give the chemo from now on. It's easier than trying to find a vein (and failing multiple times, causing lots of sticks - ouch.) That was an outpatient procedure - I had twilight sleep and felt fine afterwards. However, I found out from G. that the doctor tried to insert it on the right side (the normal side) and couldn't get it into the vein!! So he had to stop trying over there and re-attempt on the left side. Which obviously worked, but made me more tender on both sides. I used an icepack Tuesday night and took the V.icodin they gave me - no sense suffering!!

Yesterday I had chemo #2. I had some nausea after I got home which I think was because they didn't give me Ativan in my IV before starting the drugs this time, which they did the first time. I will ask about that for next time. Luckily the nausea was fairly short lived, although I didn't have much of an appetite as a result. I did make a point of eating though -- I had to get a Procrit shot since my hemoglobin and hematocrit were low, and I have to make sure I increase my protein intake to something like 50g per day. So I'm going with the small meals frequently approach.

Hopefully I will have either the same side effects or less this time around. Will update more later in the week.

OPK's anyone?

A while back, K. was kind enough to make available a ginormous pack of OPKs (the internet kind, 24 to be precise) to a random commenter since she no longer needed them. I happened to be that person.

They don't expire till March 2008, but I will likely not have a need to use them before then. So I'm going to use the pay it forward concept and make them available to anyone who can use them. Comment by Wednesday and I'll pick someone at random if there's more than one interested party.
------------------------------------------
Update: since my reading audience isn't entirely in the OPK frame of mind, I will also be ok with leaving a comment if you know of someone who might need them - i.e., if you can pass them along to someone.

Holding back the years

I turned 37 yesterday.

It was an ok birthday. I relaxed all day -- haven't mentioned to the blog community but I am "on holiday" of sorts for a month. It's a long story and I don't feel like blogging about it but nevertheless I am at home. Watched "Clueless". Made myself a rum drink and sat outside enjoying the blue skies. G took me to dinner at a nice seafood restaurant and then we came home and watched L.ost. Not a bad birthday day, really.

It's the age thing that bothers me. Of course.

I've read a mixed bag of recommendations. One states that you should wait to try to get pregnant after chemo until you've had three normal periods in three consecutive months. Another states "most doctors will advise women that it is best to wait for 2 years after chemotherapy treatment before becoming pregnant." Because of the possibility of relapse, mainly. This same site also states that temporary infertility (lack of periods) caused by chemo can take 6 months to a year after chemotherapy is finished to resolve. A final paper I found on the fertilehope website claims thatall chemotherapy patients need to wait at least six months after treatment due to the potential for damaged eggs due to the toxicity of the chemo drugs.

I'm in calendar hell again. It's more than just me, too; there has to be some reason why G and I could get pregnant in '04 and '05 and then couldn't in '06. Is the biological clock factor causing both of us issues? Will a delay of at least a year seal our fertility fate?

We talked a very little bit about this at dinner last night. I spoke about how nice it would be if we could still do IVF, given the insurance coverage we have for that versus the cost of adoption which we probably can't afford. G said "well how much does it cost?" I admitted I didn't know, and that I was basing it on the cost that multiple IVF's would cost us without the insurance. Not the best scientific method but it's all I had. G then said "it would be nicer if we didn't need to do anything."

We changed the subject after that.

I'm not trying to make adoption out to be something bad or something we don't want to do. It may turn out that we could afford it after all. Or maybe the IVF would work. Or some medical miracle could happen and we could get pregnant all on our own again (throws back head and laughs manically)... yeah, I know. Wishful thinking.

I just hate these reminders that come via dates on a calendar.