Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Surgery's done...

Just wanted to let you guys know that the surgery went well and aside from some numbness behind my ear, some stiffness in my shoulder and some mild pain in the area where they took the node, I'm doing quite well.

I won't know anything about the pathology for a while, unfortunately. They said that due to sending it out for cytology it will take longer, possibly a week. However, I'd rather they be right than fast. So I'm taking it day by day.

Many thanks to all who have been thinking about me including my new readers! I hope to have more to say, soon.

Wow, who'da thunk my tone could be *optimistic*???

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Randomness and waiting

Some of you asked how the shower went, and it went ok. I survived, even though I didn't stay for the whole thing. And I love that the mom-to-be had "adult only" punch, too. (Had it there for others, not her. She wasn't drinking. I realized that looked very odd. It's still not coming out right, but I'm feeling a bit under the weather and am not sure I'm making sense. Umm, yeah.) And I bought a whole ocean-themed gift and only felt overwhelmed in B.abiesR.Us once.
I have been having periods off and on where I am extremely fatigued. I thought it could be my fibromyalgia flaring up, or due to stress, or depression, or medication. So I stopped taking the antihistamines at night to see what happened. End result, I felt more awake during the day but felt horrible (and kept waking up itchy) at night. So I'm back on the antihistamines and am feeling today like a truck plowed into me.
I remember when I used to think the two-week wait was long. The three-week wait till the biopsy is 2/3s done and I still feel like I'm climbing the walls. Not to minimize the two week wait for anyone who's going through it, because I do know how agonizing it is.
G's second SA came back as lousy as the first one. Terrible motility pre-wash, ok post... but absolutely horrible morphology. How the heck did we get pregnant twice? I know they weren't successful pregnancies, but I'd think that should be attributed to me because isn't it next to impossible for abnormal, swim-in-a-circle sperm to find an egg, anyway?? So depending on what happens with me we may be headed for ICSI. Or adoption. Or something. I can't even think much past the biopsy anymore as it makes me feel kind of sick.
Oh, last random note: I am leaving my temp job at the end of March and taking a regular full-time position that's five minutes away from my house. I had to weigh the pros and cons on this one pretty heavily and despite the uncertainty of my future, I felt that the commute would outweigh anything else right now. Even the fact that it's a reception desk position and so there's not a lot of flexibility for things like, oh, say, early am fertility clinic appointments. I have a feeling I still made the right choice though.

Friday, March 09, 2007

It still hurts.

Even after all this time of not being in baby-making mode, it still hurts on occasion.

I'm going to a baby shower this weekend. For all of you reading who might say "why put yourself through that?", a) she's a very dear friend, and b) she went through infertility (without treatment for reasons I won't go into here) for six years before finally getting pregnant. She's been pretty understanding of all I've been going through and I feel like I can handle it.

At least I think so.

I just logged onto her baby registry to see what I might be able to get her.

She's got fish things on her registry.

There's an ocean creatures crib set and bouncy seat sitting in my closet at home that I bought because they were on sale and I couldn't resist them since I'm such an ocean lover.

I'm sure it's what I'll buy; after all, it's what I would have bought for someone if none of the past two years and all the heartache had ever happened.

I just wish it wasn't going to be so hard to watch her open it.

Monday, March 05, 2007


Appointment this morning was brief; he does want to do an excisional biopsy. It's scheduled for 3/27 as he only does surgeries on Tuesdays and the next two weeks have really big case loads. But what's three more weeks at this point, right?


The one bit of information I did manage to glean from him is that there is in fact a cluster of swollen nodes in there, and the largest of them is one that I can't even feel since it's behind my collarbone. They will not be removing that one as it's structurally difficult to get to; they'll likely be taking out the one I found on my own. I've decided to call it my very own little sentry.