Thursday, May 03, 2007

Holding back the years

I turned 37 yesterday.

It was an ok birthday. I relaxed all day -- haven't mentioned to the blog community but I am "on holiday" of sorts for a month. It's a long story and I don't feel like blogging about it but nevertheless I am at home. Watched "Clueless". Made myself a rum drink and sat outside enjoying the blue skies. G took me to dinner at a nice seafood restaurant and then we came home and watched L.ost. Not a bad birthday day, really.

It's the age thing that bothers me. Of course.

I've read a mixed bag of recommendations. One states that you should wait to try to get pregnant after chemo until you've had three normal periods in three consecutive months. Another states "most doctors will advise women that it is best to wait for 2 years after chemotherapy treatment before becoming pregnant." Because of the possibility of relapse, mainly. This same site also states that temporary infertility (lack of periods) caused by chemo can take 6 months to a year after chemotherapy is finished to resolve. A final paper I found on the fertilehope website claims thatall chemotherapy patients need to wait at least six months after treatment due to the potential for damaged eggs due to the toxicity of the chemo drugs.

I'm in calendar hell again. It's more than just me, too; there has to be some reason why G and I could get pregnant in '04 and '05 and then couldn't in '06. Is the biological clock factor causing both of us issues? Will a delay of at least a year seal our fertility fate?

We talked a very little bit about this at dinner last night. I spoke about how nice it would be if we could still do IVF, given the insurance coverage we have for that versus the cost of adoption which we probably can't afford. G said "well how much does it cost?" I admitted I didn't know, and that I was basing it on the cost that multiple IVF's would cost us without the insurance. Not the best scientific method but it's all I had. G then said "it would be nicer if we didn't need to do anything."

We changed the subject after that.

I'm not trying to make adoption out to be something bad or something we don't want to do. It may turn out that we could afford it after all. Or maybe the IVF would work. Or some medical miracle could happen and we could get pregnant all on our own again (throws back head and laughs manically)... yeah, I know. Wishful thinking.

I just hate these reminders that come via dates on a calendar.


Blogger Anna said...

Birthdays are hard. I hate them. But it sounds like you made the day as good as you could. I'm praying hard that you'll find an open door somewhere soon. You're such a rock star.

5/03/2007 2:41 PM  
Blogger Emma's Mum said...

Hi -- I am just catching up on some blog reading and read your recent news. I just wanted to send my good thoughts and prayers to you. My sister was diagnosed with Hodgkins about 8 years ago, when she was 23. Same as you, she found a lump in her neck. It seems as if you are following the same treatment as well -- she had 6 months of chemo and no radiation. Although the months of chemo were not easy (as I am sure you have already figured out!), she made it through....and is healthy and training for triathlons now. What an experience you are going through....and I only know it from a sister's perspective. Stay strong, even on the bad days. I know this is a scary time for you, but I hope and pray that there will be many good times ahead for you. Just take it one day at a time......thanks for sharing your story. I am sending you big hugs and will be checking on you often.

5/03/2007 9:02 PM  
Blogger Marisa said...

I found you through Leanne's blog (Ling Ling). Just wanted to wish you well in your battle.

I was diagnosed with NHL (Burkitt's) two years ago while pregnant with my daughter. It was a time filled with great happiness and enormous sadness. We got through it, and so will you. Know that there are people who understand the journey you are about to embark on, and that are hoping that you meet them at the finish line.

5/04/2007 1:17 PM  
Anonymous Kath said...

Dear Lisa, happy belated birthday! I'm sorry it was weighed down by so much worry -- it must be so hard to figure out how to move forward and when. Uncertainty is so difficult to deal with. I hope that this bridge, at least, turns out to be a lot easier to cross than it seems from a distance.

5/06/2007 7:27 AM  
Blogger AMH said...

Been following your blog and thinking of you, sending good vibes your way.

Don't have too much good advice to offer, just support. Did want to say though, that should you someday decide to pursue adoption, there are ways to make it work financially. Our domestic adoption cost about 15k, 10k, of which we got back from the federal gov't (the tax credit is great and applies to ANY adoption, domestic or international.

I guess I just wanted you to know, that adoption could be an option for you should TTC not go as planned.

Just hang on, there is hope in unexpected places.

Will continue to keep you in my thoughts.

5/09/2007 9:31 PM  
Blogger msfitzita said...

I'm glad you had a happy birthday (it sounds like a very nice one to me!), but I'm sorry that it brought up the timeline issue - an issue I hate with a passion.

I'm hoping for all good things for you - in every part of your life. And soon. Much sooner than you'd ever expect, timelines be-damned!!


5/10/2007 6:59 PM  
Blogger Bea said...

I just got here via Stirrup Queens. Just wanted to say I'm sorry for all that's happened to you over the last couple of years, and I hope for a full turnaround soon. Your blog title is so appropriate.


5/12/2007 7:39 PM  
Blogger chris said...

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5/18/2011 5:28 AM  

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