Still cranky.

Thought it had passed but apparently not. We had a power outage Monday night through last night which I think contributed to it but I've also had some GI issues and have a raging headache today. What a good day to be seeing the counselor (about the anticipatory nausea thing) -- I told him on the phone the other day that while I'd had anxiety and depression issues in the past, now my outlook was pretty good. Nah.

(I would say it was PMS but I haven't had a period since May. Hopefully the "temporary menopause" thing isn't something that goes permanent. At least I am not having hot flashes.)

At least one semi-good thing (I think) has happened - work called and they have a position to bring me back into, with an increase in pay. (They'd better, is my attitude.) Only trouble is the start date... not sure when it will be yet. We're gov't subcontractors and as such are on their timeframe. So hopefully soon, but not immediately, I'll be going back to work.

Oh, and we're going on a little weekend trip this coming Saturday/Sunday. Hopefully my cranky will be out of the way by then.

Thanks again...

First, thanks for the comments letting me know it's ok to be moody. It's a good thing; Wednesday's treatment sucked (I got sick) and so I was extra moody for a few days. But today is Friday, the day I normally feel horrible and I'm feeling ok.

Also, big thanks to Catherine, Eve and KathyMc for the scarves that arrived via mail! I will need to add them to the fashion show once I get the upload process on our new computer figured out.

Moody

I've been moody the past few days. I didn't talk about it when it first happened but now I'm moody and don't care, so the story with my job is that when I told them my chemo schedule they came back a few days later and asked me to take a 30-day unpaid medical leave. Told me they would hold my job for me (or some job), and to call in a month to talk about coming back.

That was the day before my first chemo (almost six weeks ago). They are still dangling me. I'm *supposed* to hear from them again by early next week, but am not holding my breath.

(I won't get into the "is that legal, can they do that" debate that I've already gone over several times in my head, with G, and with two online lawyer friends including one who comments here, wink wink. I made a decision not to fight it even though I may have grounds, simply because it's not open and shut.)

Anyway, I am able to collect un.employment so I have been, but being at home and doing nothing most of the time really isn't as nice as it may sound. I'm going stir crazy, and feeling brain dead. It hasn't been fun and it hasn't done much for my mood, which was already starting to wear based on the fact that despite everyone's assessment of my spirit as being so up, you only hear the stuff I feel like posting. I haven't felt as positive lately, which may be from some nausea or may be from missing my hair or may be just because I haven't really reacted to all this shit since being diagnosed. I kept saying "at least we know what we're up against now, it's so much better" but truthfully, it really isn't. It sucks. (I feel better just admitting that.)

So I'll admit that I'm moody and then go back into silence for a few days. Maybe my mood will improve. We'll see.

Dreams

Last night I had the second dream about little girls that I've had in the past few weeks.

The first was a week or so ago. I was aware only that I was riding in a car, and there was a child on my lap. (Yes, I know it's against the carseat regulations... don't think that was the point of it.) The child was adorable and I was making her laugh with silly songs and raspberries on her ear. I then became aware that her mother was the person driving the car. Then I woke up.

Last night's was longer. I remember traveling alone to a large hotel-type facility and being shown to a room where I was to sleep in a sleeping bag on the floor. It was very late at night and I was tired, so I fell asleep. In the morning, I had to walk down a very long staircase that wound around through all of the other rooms, which were filled with girls of varying ages. The oldest girls slept on the higher floors and as I got towards the bottom I saw the girls get younger and younger until I passed through a room with infants. I don't remember feeling anything odd about this place until it was time to go to breakfast, because when I got to the dining room everyone else there was a family (all of the little girls were with their parents) but I was still dining alone.

I'm not even safe in my sleep sometimes.

Fashion show!

As promised, and delayed only while I learned to use Flickr, here is a hat fashion show for you guys!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/8814124@N03/sets/72157600339428790/

Shanna, thanks for clarifying who you were; that's who I thought but my brain lately seems to be all "chemobrained" on me. (I can blame it on that even if it's really just me being all 'duh') No worries about the head comment, I really, truly do have a large head and have made fun of it myself for a long while.
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UPDATE:
I wish I could adequately describe for you the color red my face got when I saw the package I got today from Catherine. *eep*... It's a pink ballcap that says "S.exy" on it. Twice!! *face reddens*

I'm laughing out loud at that one Catherine and trying to figure out where exactly I will wear it first. :-D

More nice stuff

A butterfly scarf, two "froggie" flannels and a garden type hat arrived the other day from Shanna (who I'm not sure I know? but thank you!!) Shanna, interesting comment you make about hoping I "don't have a gigantic head" -- ironically my head is on the large side (really! I've measured it) but so far everything seems to be working for me.

I promise I will get my hubby to take some pictures tomorrow!

And a scarf!!

Kristin sent the most beautiful and silky scarf!!

I am seriously going to have to make a fashion show album for all these lovely stuff. You guys really are terrific. :)

And then there were three...

A lovely colorwashed cap from Broolyn arrived yesterday, courtesy of Cat and Mini Miao!

I am so tickled you guys. Pics as soon as I can get hubby to take some!