Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Not as strong as you

I have been meaning to blog for a few days now but the words have just been getting stuck.

After my last entry and consulting with my internist, she told me that she could refer me to an endocrinologist to discuss my thyroid results, or I could go back to see my RE. I decided to call the RE's office.

I cannot get an appointment until January.

I asked the nurses if I could please, pretty please have my thyroid panel bloodwork ordered in advance of January, just so that I wouldn't have to wait longer if thyroid meds are what I really need. They said they'd talk with Dr. W. about it. When I called today to see if they'd done so, they told me he'd been out all of last week and they would try today.

Went to the dermatologist for my itchy skin. I was so itchy at work this afternoon that I came back from lunch in tears, so I left early. The dermatologist also thought it might be a good idea to recheck my thyroid, thankfully, so she ordered a few more tests. Not sure if it's the complete panel but I'll take what I can get. She also prescribed All.egra and gave me some topical steroid cream.

I came home miserable, ithcy beyond belief, and realized that I didn't know how I was going to even consider having sex right now -- oh yeah, did I forget to mention this is all happening at prime babymaking time??

I know I'm just whining again, but I don't know what else to do. I guess I'm not as strong as I'd like to be, not as strong as some may think, and probably not as strong as those of you who read here. I'm prone to giving up every month, only to let Hope reverse my opinions briefly but then smack them down again.

It hasn't even been that long, but it seems like an eternity. Two years ago this December we got pregnant the first time. One year and approximately a week afterwards I had my uterine surgery that was supposed to make everything better.

I want to be stronger. Dammit, why can't I be stronger?? This may take more out of me than I'm giving right now and if it does I am going to have to put up or shut up. Why is it so hard to comprehend right now??


Blogger Kathy McC said...

I am sorry you're feeling like this. You are strong and I know you don't need me to tell you so.

It's a sucky situation and I wish I could make it all go away for you.


11/02/2006 9:14 AM  
Blogger casey said...

It sucks that everything is piling on at once. One thing about the "prime babymaking time" is that you just don't know how you're going to feel under pressure to perform. And there is so much pressure, because that window for success is so small.

So, for some assvice: could you just go get some KY, tell your husband "have your way with me honey" and then let him? I know, it's a crude thought (although most husbands I know would be more than happy to oblige). And who knows...maybe once the wheels are in motion--so to speak--you might actually be a little more into it than you expected. But, there's no need to take on all the burden by yourself. Let this particular worry rest with your husband, and tell him not to take offense if you have a garden weasel in bed with you to ease the itchiness...

Good luck.

11/02/2006 2:32 PM  

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