Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Apparently *not* our month.

Perhaps not our year, at the rate we're going, but I don't want to get ahead of myself.
My temp plunged this morning.  I knew that probably meant disaster but I still held out a tiny bit of hope -- the opera's not over till the fat lady sings after all, and there was still no signs of a diva warming up in the wings this morning.  I did manage to find one chart in FF's chart gallery that was a pregnancy chart, even with a temp that went way below coverline.  It wasn't *probable*, but it was possible.
That all changed this afternoon, when I began spotting.
I know that I will get the strength to do what I need to do (whether it be just try again naturally, go see the doctor or whatever) but right now, I'm weary; I don't know how people do this month after month after month.  I hate to sound like I'm complaining as I know there are people who have been at this for far longer than I have, and I appreciate that we haven't had to worry yet about financial issues, having not moved into that realm.
But to say I'm not petrified of our next steps would be a terrible understatement.
I was going to call G at work and let him know the news, but decided against it.  Why spoil the rest of his day, right??  As it stands, we will be able to go to a wine festival we were thinking about attending this weekend, so when I get home I will focus on that.
It's ironic that this month, I'm beyond crying.  I just feel... numb.

5 Comments:

Blogger Kathy McC said...

I am really sorry...(((hugs)))

9/19/2006 2:04 PM  
Blogger k. at Odyssey To Conception said...

I'm really sorry. Not much can be said beyond that but I'm thinking of you.

9/19/2006 3:31 PM  
Blogger Lorem ipsum said...

I'm sorry, Lisa. I know... I know...I know.

9/19/2006 6:51 PM  
Blogger Treggles said...

So sorry, Lisa. Feeling your numbness with you.

9/20/2006 2:15 AM  
Blogger casey said...

Hang in there! You're feeling low, I get that. Every time my period arrives, unbidden, I get that (and then some). But hang in there. Hormones are kicking your ass on top of the emotional gauntlet you are being asked to run. Just don't give up hope and try to believe that tomorrow, after a good night's sleep (or any sleep, frankly) things might not look so overwhelming. Or just tell me to shut up. Maybe that will make you feel better. But, no matter what, hang in there.

9/21/2006 2:50 PM  

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