The anti-me?
Some people have asked me how I've been able to handle working in my friend's maternity store this week, and truthfully, it hasn't been bad. I'm very good with people, have a creative bent that makes it fun to rearrange the displays, and the amount of customers at any one time is minimal, unlike when I run into pregnant woman after pregnant woman in Target (usually when shopping for "feminine products," ironically).
Today was different, though: I experienced my first "lump-in-the-throat" moment today when a barely-pregnant woman came in with her mother. They walked around looking at everything, talking about how "this will work for the whole pregnancy" and "this is good for right now."
Right now. Barely pregnant. Only 10 weeks.
I remember coming to see my friend after I found out about pregnancy number one, when I was approximately six weeks. I was clearly not planning on buying anything at that point but I tried things on, using the belly pillow to visualize what they might look like. Ms. Ten-Weeks did the same. I heard her mother exclaim multiple times about how cute everything looked "with a full-term belly." I never made it that far.
She ended up purchasing four items and her mom bought her a special occasion top as a gift. I couldn't help but hope that Ms. Ten-Weeks was not jinxing herself.
Maybe I'm the only one who does that, though.
Today was different, though: I experienced my first "lump-in-the-throat" moment today when a barely-pregnant woman came in with her mother. They walked around looking at everything, talking about how "this will work for the whole pregnancy" and "this is good for right now."
Right now. Barely pregnant. Only 10 weeks.
I remember coming to see my friend after I found out about pregnancy number one, when I was approximately six weeks. I was clearly not planning on buying anything at that point but I tried things on, using the belly pillow to visualize what they might look like. Ms. Ten-Weeks did the same. I heard her mother exclaim multiple times about how cute everything looked "with a full-term belly." I never made it that far.
She ended up purchasing four items and her mom bought her a special occasion top as a gift. I couldn't help but hope that Ms. Ten-Weeks was not jinxing herself.
Maybe I'm the only one who does that, though.
posted by Lisa P. at 4:15 PM
8 Comments:
Dear Lisa, I'm so sorry I haven't been around -- happy anniversary!
And no, you're not the only one who does that. I think all of us IF/RPL bloggers tend to think that once we let hope in, we get crushed. Hope as the Trojan Horse, so to speak. (Except it only happened once to the Trojans, and we get hit on a regular basis.) And I always hope that most fertile women don't think that way -- because it's a miserable way to think -- but then, in weak moment, I hope they do worry just a little sometimes.
I'm not making much sense, am I? Just wanted to say "I hear you."
So many people do 'memory books' or buy stuff for the baby, and then when the lose it they have to worry about what they're going to do with it all.
In a way, I'm sorry I never bought anything for any of mine. It's almost like I knew all along they'd never see them.
I still have a partially filled-out pregnancy journal from pregnancy #2. *sigh*
I guess, no matter at what point the loss, it sucks having unused items left laying around as a reminder. But you're right; I almost feel like I should warn the blissfully ignorant women who assume so early on.
I don't know how you managed to work in that shop this week. You're a pretty strong woman.
I saw on someone else's blog recently a discussion about this, and someone asserting that they think every pregnant woman has moments of doubt - it's just that most pregnant women have fewer doubts and fears than we do, so they don't show them as much - or at all.
I know how you feel. I remember buying $200 worth of maternity clothes after seeing a beautiful heartbeat and being assured that everything looked good with baby #2 and three weeks later she died. I saved it all but it was hard to bring it out to wear after I got pregnant for the 4th time. I was afraid I would jinx myself if I wore it. Some of it I just gave away because it brought me to tears everytime I looked at them. I guess everyone is different, we can only hope that those women don't have to feel the pain that we have...
Well, I got the belly...and no baby...twice. So if you're looking for cynical, I'm your gal.
You are certainly not the only one. Not even close.
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