Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Pigeonholed

Being a relatively new blogger, I have kind of a hodgepodge of blog links listed in my blogroll.

I started out with only linking to Lorem, the person who got me started blogging (just by having her own - thanks!). I slowly began checking out her links, and the links of those she linked to (and her two friends, and her two friends, and so on, and so on... extra points if you get the seventies pop cultural reference)

Gradually, I began to form my own little community.

I then found the mega-bloggers. Those who have been at this a long time, those who are legendary. Those who have links pages that categorize people into various groups. Trying. Pregnant. Loss Survivors. Infertile. IVF'ers. Adopting. Moving on.

I've often thought about putting some sort of category on the links that I have, because then if a reader is feeling particularly vulnerable, they can skip the pregnant links. Or if they want to learn more about someone who's survived a loss, they know where to go. It seemed kind of odd, though, and then there are those folks that have done it all -- where to categorize them? What happens when they move from one phase to another? A lot of folks I've come to know have had the unfortunate luck to take one step forward, two steps back along their path towards having a baby. Should I really try to pigeonhole someone into a little block of HTML?

But I realized that above it all, we're all women speaking about something near and dear to our hearts: children, whether we have them or have lost them or desperately want one or are in a situation that's some combination of the above. There have been several excellent posts recently (here and here come to mind immediately) that speak to this desire, this want, that has managed to escape all of us, for one reason or another. Even those with secondary infertility, or losses after a first child, know this desire, and it binds us together in a way that those who don't want children will never fully understand.

Eventually I may change the way my links are displayed, but for now, the hodgepodge seems to fit the way we actually exist: in some way, we're all in this together.

6 Comments:

Blogger Lorem ipsum said...

You're welcome! I thank Roxanne/Vixanne for my start!

My links are combined ones of real-life friends and (mostly) those you mentioned. And in some cases, there's a crossover. My husband has his but never mentions our problem; my friend Tendersoul had accepted her infertility and then found herself pregnant. Another friend had a miscarriage years ago but never mentions it and currently it's not an issue.

The only demarcation I have is 'Babes' and 'Guys.' Just in case someone is hating one or the other that day.

10/26/2005 11:13 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks for the shoutout! I only wish we 'met' under different circumstances.

Emily
scrambledeggs

10/26/2005 11:32 AM  
Blogger Bronwyn said...

"We're all in this together". How true. There are days that I feel like a real freak, when I feel like I'm a different species from all women who have successfully procreated (even those who had suffered prior losses or long periods of infertility), but in the end we're all more alike than different. Thanks for the reminder!

10/26/2005 1:45 PM  
Anonymous pixi said...

Let's see, could it be Fabrege Organics (the 70's reference)? Yes, I am dating myself.

And, I think you're right. In this community, our similarities are definitely more important than our differences. Thanks for adding me into the hodgepodge.

10/26/2005 4:30 PM  
Anonymous thalia said...

Speaking as someone who does categorise at least a little, I did feel there was a different issue between those of us who don't have a child and are waiting for that to happen -whether biologically or via adoption - and those who have a child or who are at a stage of their pregnancy where they are relatively confident that it will go to term. I do still see us as all in it together, but that the problem is manifesting itself in different ways.

10/27/2005 6:12 AM  
Blogger lauralu said...

i can picture the commercial, but faberge doesn't sound right. is it breck?

i don't categorize my links, either, for two reasons:
1. i'd like people perusing my links to stumble into something other than just baby-related links, as there is more to my life (or at least, i try for there to be more).
2. i see us as all in it together, too, although to me loss is the common key. early losses, late losses, loss of fertility, loss of dreams, loss of hope.

10/27/2005 5:34 PM  

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