Wednesday, October 19, 2005

days of old long since

But we've wander'd monie a weary fit
Sin' auld lang syne.

loosely translated, from this Scottish song website:
But we've wandered many a weary mile
Since the days long ago.

What a year it's been.

This morning I was looking back at old charts and noticed that we did not start trying the cycle we got pregnant the first time (which began 11/12/2004); we actually started the cycle that started 10/16/2004. So it has been a year after all. I feel like Father Time, preparing to usher out the old and make way for the new. (And "new" *would* have to be equated with a baby, wouldn't it??)

As anyone can see from my blogroll, I have branched out from reading just loss related blogs and have found the vast world of the infertility bloggers. These witty, well-versed women know a lot about FSH, uterine abnormalities, and recurrent miscarriage, not to mention Clomid, IUI and IVF, and I feel that I am not only learning a lot by reading their stories, but also becoming a more understanding person. (I hope!)

But even though Resolve defines infertility as "a disease or condition of the reproductive system often diagnosed after a couple has one year of unprotected, well-timed intercourse or if the woman suffers from multiple miscarriages," I sometimes feel funny reading and/or commenting on their sites, as though I'm an interloper who is treading on sacred ground. I don't equate myself as infertile, at all; we had an easy time getting pregnant and were spared the heartache that trying month after month with no results brings. Not to mention expensive treatments with no guarantees of success. But I read, and try to understand better what they've been through.

I've also learned a lot about the blog world; even though it hasn't even been a full four months yet since I began this site, I've learned a lot about the community. About statcounters and trackbacks. About lurkers, spammers, and trolls (oh my!). I've taken the time to read Julie's archives (although I missed Grrl's, unfortunately, as I came too late). I've read blogs of women around the world whose stories struck a chord with me, even though I'm far from where they sit, both literally and figuratively.

If you're reading along (and I know some of you are, and some did not find me from my comment on Mare's site, either), I hope you'll also check out some of the other folks out there to see what they're going through.

I know that for me, treatment and/or surgery, whatever the plan becomes, will bring fresh options to start anew, whether I'm ready for them or not. There may be problems ahead that have not been uncovered, but for now, I'm going to have to take it day-by-day and remember that many others have "wandered the weary mile" before me, in one path or another, and made it through. They may not have ended up where they expected, or they may still be making their way, but they are adventurers who help those of us who follow.

We'll take a cup of kindness yet, I'm sure.


Blogger MidlifeMutant said...

I wish you luck and health.

10/19/2005 12:21 PM  
Blogger Lorem ipsum said...

I think your 'infertility' is a passing definition. To the best of our knowledge, we were fertile until proven otherwise. And even then, the jury's out. Once you have your surgery, I think you'll see that the rules have changed, or at least been sort of scratched out.

10/19/2005 2:37 PM  

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