Moratorium on loss
I put up yesterday's post before checking in on my blogroll. As it was a fairly glib post, I was feeling upbeat, and as such was rather unprepared when I clicked on Kath's blog and read her bad news. (I'm so sorry, Kath.)
She's not the only one, of course. Anne for example. Laura not so long ago. Probably others that blog (that I'm not aware of, yet), along with many more that don't blog. There are far too many like her. Like us. I hate that this is neverending.
Why can't we all get a break?
I e-mailed her to say I'm sorry and in her reply, she said something that I hope she doesn't mind me posting (paraphrased a little, of course): "let's make this the last miscarriage for both of us."
And I second that notion, only I'd like to extend it to everyone out there who's suffered recurrent miscarriages. Would that we could just declare "ok, this is the last one, ever" and be done with it, right? That would be perfect, mmmkay?
No more heartbreaking losses. No more worrying when we get double pink lines, "will this one stick?" No more fear.
I wish that I could make it so.
She's not the only one, of course. Anne for example. Laura not so long ago. Probably others that blog (that I'm not aware of, yet), along with many more that don't blog. There are far too many like her. Like us. I hate that this is neverending.
Why can't we all get a break?
I e-mailed her to say I'm sorry and in her reply, she said something that I hope she doesn't mind me posting (paraphrased a little, of course): "let's make this the last miscarriage for both of us."
And I second that notion, only I'd like to extend it to everyone out there who's suffered recurrent miscarriages. Would that we could just declare "ok, this is the last one, ever" and be done with it, right? That would be perfect, mmmkay?
No more heartbreaking losses. No more worrying when we get double pink lines, "will this one stick?" No more fear.
I wish that I could make it so.
posted by Lisa P. at 9:46 AM
3 Comments:
Yeah, me too.
I've probably mentioned this before, but my mom's older sister (by a year and a half) was stillborn due to a cord accident. When I had my first miscarriage it hit me how awful it must have been for my grandparents during the subsequent pregnancy, wondering whether this one would die too.
My mom had one other sister after that, who is an awful person. When my grandfather died in January and Mom cleaned out his house, she found three of everything. We questioned the significance - three children? Or three, meaning mom, dad and baby?
My grandfather was a month short of ninety when he died. Till the end, he mourned his lost daughter sixty years beforehand. So no, you never get over it. And by extension, I wonder about my aunt and whether they even would have had their third child, the one who has caused so much grief for everyone, had she lived in the first place.
I'll join you in that heartfelt wish. Hoping for everyone.
It seems so profoundly unfair that anyone who wants children has to go through repeated losses. It never gets any easier, but we all live in hope, else it would be much too painful. One of these days, the hope just has to pay off...
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