Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Sideshow freaks...

"Yessir, ladies and gents, step right up to see the 'crazy-lady-obsessed-with-having-a-baby' - one of a kind! Watch her obsess right in front of your eyes!!"

Last night, G and I got into a "discussion" about all of this. I wanted to talk about my fears about seeing the RE and what it could mean for us, and he started talking money, and that got me upset, and that got him frustrated, and it basically ended with him saying he's never seen me so obsessed with anything in my whole life, and that "there's no joy for you... you work, you watch TV, you research this on the computer, and you sleep."

He's right. I'm not doing a whole lot else lately.

The point he makes, though, makes me wonder if that's unusual. If I didn't want this so badly, would I be happier even though it's so elusive?

7 Comments:

Blogger Lorem ipsum said...

You aren't a freak, you aren't one of a kind, and you aren't that unusual. Sorry. Introduce your husband to me. I'm worse - I'm not even working!

9/07/2005 11:01 AM  
Blogger Kathy McC said...

He is a man, and men cannot POSSIBLY understand this...there is something about maternal instinct that is so powerfull, sometimes it even scares me. And I obsess a lot, too. So don't feel bad about it. Do what makes you comfortable. Make sure you take time to do things "un-baby" related, but don't feel bad for doing research and trying to get somewhere in your journey to have children. Lord knows life is just too short to ignore our needs.

9/07/2005 3:56 PM  
Blogger Jill said...

K has made similar comments about me never being joyful anymore. He getts so relieved when I just chill and laugh:(

You, like me, have also had two losses on top of your fertility challenges. You are pretty normal, I would say.

Both Kathy and Lorem are right. He can't understand and he needs to meet all your bloggy mates!!

9/07/2005 9:47 PM  
Blogger Julie said...

My husband cringes every time I sit down to 'research' something, because he knows it will be my latest obsession. He is so tired of my whining about not being able to 'be normal'; he told me I've quit living life and am too focused on my 'pipedream' of kids. He gave up the infertility fight over a decade ago. Now, he doesn't want to get hs hopes up because of our losses. And the money - oh, how the money causes fights. Why can't we just spit out a handful of kids like the welfare people do? (his words)
I'm tired and scared and just about reaching his level of ambivilance.
Hang in there, Lisa, there's bound to be something good waiting around the corner. {{hugs}}

9/08/2005 4:37 AM  
Blogger lauralu said...

this is so hard - we went through this argument before we decided that we would (try to) have kids in the first place, before we got pregnant the first time, the whole time i was pregnant the first time, and it started again about a month after we lost our son. then of course we had a similar argument already in this pregnancy about my fears. i think it's just one of those things we all have to just try to survive and hope that our partners will come out okay with it on the other end. hang in there!

9/08/2005 7:55 AM  
Blogger Em said...

I get the same way when my husband drops comments like, "It's crazy to bankrupt yourself to have a baby". I go insane.

9/08/2005 1:35 PM  
Blogger msfitzita said...

I love my husband to death, but the reality is that I'm the one carrying most of the burden of responsibility when it comes to TTC.

I'm the one who ovulates (in theory), I'm the one who has to watch for fertile signs, I'm the one who knows when we HAVE to BD, I'm the one who has to count the days, I'm the one who feels real and imaginary pg symptoms, I'm the one who has to determine when it's appropriate to test, I'm the one who POAS (over and over and over again) and I'm the one who suffers the hormonal mood swings every single month that sometimes makes it all next to impossible to handle like a sane, rational person.

Add to that two miscarriages and a stillbirth and, well...

It's very, very hard not to think about it because we HAVE to. Sure, I know it can become a bit of an obsession, but I don't blame us one bit for that.

There have been many days where I have thought how wonderful it must be to be the TTC man. BAM and you're done.

9/11/2005 2:16 PM  

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