Monday, August 08, 2005

Rainy days and Mondays just plain SUCK.

First off... apologies to anyone to whom I may have implied that I understand what they're feeling, when I know I really don't. I am having some guilty feelings right now because I fear I may have been empathetic to feelings I really can't empathize with, since I haven't experienced the degree of loss that others have. If I have ever said anything that has offended you in that way, I apologize.

Secondly... I hate work, hate it, hate it, hate it!! I was apparently supposed to be the designee for a project that kicked off the week of my miscarriage, so since I was off, they sent someone else. And never told me that I was originally supposed to be involved. Well, now that someone else needs to be somewhere else this afternoon, and the project needs attention, so it's being dumped back in my lap with the notation that "well, you were originally *supposed* to be assigned to this, but it was when you were off the whole week." YEAH, I WAS LOSING MY BABY THEN, SORRY TO INCONVENIENCE YOU!!! I know, I'm supposed to just be right back to normal, that's why they call it work, right? Well, since I hated it here before this and now NOTHING matters but getting things fixed and having a baby, it's completely unbearable.

Oh, and still no HSG scheduled yet; I'm waiting for a call back. I called the number Dr. K gave me first thing this morning thinking it would be simple to schedule. The girl I spoke with transferred me to radiology, and I don't think she was supposed to, as radiology didn't think I needed to be scheduled there since this wasn't for infertility (checking tubes). So I called the girl in the office back, and explained this, and she said she'd check the chart - well of course, Dr. K's notes aren't in there yet. So she needs to check with the doctor, who is "in the delivery suite" right now. (Where, of course, she could potentially have been with me, had I not lost the first baby; there are just too many things that remind me of what's happened right now.) So once again I wait.

Please let this Monday be over soon.

3 Comments:

Blogger Catherine said...

I'm not sure about this degrees of loss business. But I know empathy is empathy...and it's a beautiful quality when it's offered to someone who needs it. Never apologize for that.

As for work...I agree...it sucks. I keep hearing phrases like, "When you were out." As though I was sunning myself on some beach in St. Tropez! Just take a deep breath and take small steps through whatever you have to go through. I'm doing a bit here and there on the advice of a dear friend, and magically things are getting completed. I'm nowhere near the level I was pre-Alex...but at least I'm not in danger of getting fired. :o)

{{{hugs}}}

8/08/2005 12:25 PM  
Blogger Lisa P. said...

Well, I was reading a blog entry where someone was complaining about a girl who had compared her nine week loss to another person's stillbirth in terms of the pain she felt. And I can totally say that while I don't *think* I would have ever been that naive, I know that when I've been in the depths of my despair, I have felt like my soul was torn out of my body. And yeah, that's still probably nowhere near as bad as someone would feel who's been through what you have. I'm just very sensitive to what people think (bad trait) and I would never want people to think of me as being overdramatic, etc.

But thanks. It means a lot to me. (((hugs back)))

8/08/2005 2:49 PM  
Blogger Jill said...

Did yo know that a lack of empathy is a trait of a psychotic mind? Yeah, true. So you'll be pleased to know you aren't psychotic;)

But if we saved empathy only for those whose experiences were identical to ours, this would be a miserable world and even more overrun with conflict and pain than it already is.

You sound like me though, I am aware that it could be so much worse, but it hurts like hell even so. Emapthy is not a comparison, just empathy:)

And after the life and death struggles of miscarriage and slowed down fertility, work seems pretty stoopid sometimes. How can it not??

8/08/2005 4:24 PM  

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