Monday, August 01, 2005

A new month

August is here. Finally. July has been hellish, but today (the first of the month) is still a reminder for me. Last month, the first of the month was the day I learned I would likely lose my baby, and it still stings.

G and I talked last night about this, a little. For him, the month has flown by; he lives for summer and almost mourns its end, so for him, the fact that it's August already is depressing in a different way.

But for me, July crawled. It seems as though every day goes by so slowly now. Each moment that I have to try not to think about what's happened, or think about all the unknowns of my fertility and ability to have a baby, these moments seem to be passing by in slow motion. All I can see is a long, endless day, and at the end of that 24 hours there is just another waiting for me.

Some possible good news: I have found a local loss support group that meets tonight; I'm going to see what they're all about.

I just want to stop feeling like this.

4 Comments:

Blogger Lorem ipsum said...

Today my EAP counselor gave me some information on a local loss support group. I've been avoiding those sort of things because of the high horror story quotient.

I know what you mean about the first. Both my due dates were the eleventh (September and March). Take heart that a particular date is only about three percent of a month. It drags, but it does mark the time...

8/01/2005 3:27 PM  
Blogger Lisa P. said...

I'm worried about that, too. I'm just looking for some glimmer of hope right now that I'm going to feel better someday...

8/01/2005 3:45 PM  
Blogger Jill said...

So do you both think the loss support will prolong the grief or accelerate it? i am considering doing something to help myself but really, if it just a support group, then I have that in blogland.

Do you think that talking face to face will make all the difference and do you think that maybe a person who has some councelling training might be more benficial than just getting together with other understanding individuals?

Sorry to ask so many questions! I'm also very sorry about how awful you are feeling. I'm having a day of it myself:(

8/02/2005 4:52 AM  
Blogger Lisa P. said...

Jill, I actually plan to do both; the counseling thing for my own demons; the support group just to be able to vent with others who have gone through this. It's not that I don't get that blogging - I do! It's still very new to me though, and part of me hates that I have to "hide" all this stuff, silently (or not so silently, depending my mood) typing online, when we should be able to talk about these feelings openly. I wish the world really worked that way.

8/02/2005 2:28 PM  

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