Wednesday, January 25, 2006

What a difference six months makes...

Previously, on "More Than My Share":

When last we left our heroine, she was in the midst of an emotional crisis around her belief that someday, somehow, she would indeed have a sucessful pregnancy. Will she find a sense of peace? Will she have the strength to face another EPT?? Will we ever hear from her again???

Yeah, I've been slacking in the blog department. Between being Ms. Thoroughly Obsessed with Lost and rooting on the Steelers (woohoo!) I have had very little time to blog. Part of me thinks that this is a sign that blogging will fall by the wayside for me, and I really don't want that to happen. It was cathartic. (So much so, in fact, that I can spell cathartic, as a result of blogging. Ok no, that's not true; but I did just correct my own typos. Twice.) Somehow though, I am not feeling my narrative right now, and I don't know why. I've come here a few times to post an update, and I can think about things I might like to say, but then I either erase what I've started or just don't type anything to begin with.

But, some things I can say... my follow-up HSG was good. Tubes (still) clear -- never a problem to begin with, but they always feel like congratulating me on that -- and uterus looks almost normal. A slight little dip, but nothing Dr. S. (can't even remember my clever name for Dr. S, btw) was concerned about. Oh, and while the results were good, I must say that HSG #2 HURT LIKE A SUMBITCH compared to HSG #1... I thought I was going to pass out or throw up while it was going on, and afterwards I bled much more than I did the first time. Ahh, progress.

So, if I ever stop spotting (which I should, any time now), I am cleared for takeoff... ready for launch... poised and ready... locked and loaded... how many more stupid analogies can I come up with for what we're "ready" for -- Barry Manilow said it best: "ready to take the chance, again... " Pregnancy is everywhere these days, from a co-worker who is due in June to every new celebrity announcement to my online friend I mentioned last post, and although I am very eager to get back to that state, at the same time I'm petrified. Not that any of you would be surprised, I'm sure.

Work, which had previously gotten bearable, finally realized that I was relaxing and getting comfy, because it decided I needed to be mentally abused by a woman that is not my boss, but thought it was her place to pretend to be. I was basically beat up in a meeting for something ridiculous, got kind of upset (choking up, is all); heard from my team lead that said woman wanted to "apologize for upsetting me"; said apology turned out to be "I'm sorry you took it personally, but you should have done X, Y and Z, and oh by the way, you can't just choke up in meetings, maybe you need some help??" It was all I could do to tell her I couldn't talk about this anymore and walk away; I was livid and upset and felt much the way I'd let Bitchy Bosses #1 and #2 make me feel, which I said I was never going to do again. Needless to say, it didn't surprise me to hear that she called my team lead after the second beating. I had done the same, luckily, as soon as the confrontation was over, so even if the bully won't ever get what she has coming to her, I at least got my side of the story out first.

If I had the energy, I'd look for another job; however, part of my reasoning for staying put, aside from not feeling up to selling myself in an interview, is that once again, "I may be pregnant later this year"... It's mostly the energy thing though.

So, while this lengthy missive makes it sound as though I am thoroughly miserable, I'm really not. I had a great weekend getaway this past Saturday with three friends from college; G and I are going up to Niagara-on-the-Lake the weekend of Feb. 3 (yes, we will be DRIVING HOME EARLY so we don't miss the Super Bowl), and I'm so wrapped up in the Lost stuff I do, that I've had hardly any time to think about my upcoming due date for baby #2. And I'm actually relieved.

That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.


Blogger Kathy McC said...

I am so glad you've gotten the all clear. Thinking of you...

1/25/2006 8:57 AM  
Blogger Catherine said...

I'm glad to know you're doing ok (except for work...but that's work, right?). I miss you, but I'm glad you're finding ways to distract yourself and maintain your happiness. You deserve to be happy.

1/25/2006 9:02 AM  
Blogger Bronwyn said...

It's nice to have an update from you! Glad you got the "all clear" -- enjoy the takeoff!

1/25/2006 11:27 AM  
Blogger cat said...

Sounds like you've found some of that narrative again. Keep writing we miss you.

Wishing you all the luck with trying again. It is scary, we will be out here rooting for you.

1/25/2006 1:57 PM  
Blogger Lorem ipsum said...

SHE LIVES! I've missed you, but happy for the good news.

1/25/2006 9:00 PM  
Blogger lauralu said...

it's good to hear from you. :)

1/25/2006 9:01 PM  
Anonymous Kath said...

Thanks for the update! I'm glad things are looking good, though I wish you could have found that out in a less painful manner. I'm keeping all available extremities crossed for a great outcome soon.

And I'm sorry about your work situation. I hate that kind of passive-aggressive (well, maybe not so passive) maneuvering. You handled it very well, so give yourself a pat on the back!

1/26/2006 6:39 AM  
Anonymous thalia said...

Very glad to hear that medically all is well. SOunds like you handled the work situation well, too. It's important not to show those kinds of bullies that they're upsetting you. I always have a hard time because I cry at the drop of a hat!

1/27/2006 1:22 PM  
Blogger Lorem ipsum said...

By the way, just wanted to add that your blog is like 'The Sopranos' for me - months and months in between new showings, but so worth it.

1/29/2006 9:45 AM  

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