Saturday, January 07, 2006

It's official...

My ADD tendencies have gotten the better of me, and I haven't even thought about blogging in a while.

Not even yesterday, which was the anniversary of my first miscarriage.

I know, this means one of two things. A) I'm better, and the impact of last year isn't affecting me as much. Or B), I'm slightly distracted by other things, and everything's going to hit me all at once at some point.

Right now isn't that point.

It's kind of ironic that the reason I did this blogging thing is that I thought I would never feel ok to just get on with life. Yet that's exactly what I've been doing, in some ways -- my post-surgery outlook was somehow different, better than I thought I'd ever feel again.

I know that part of my problem, blog-wise, right now is that I am pretty particular about my posts not being stupid, or pointless. I like to think of myself as a fairly coherent writer, and although I'm far too fond of parenthetical phrases, I do at least try to write things that seem interesting. If only to me.

But lately my life has been pretty boring. Get up, go to work. Come home, make dinner. Do some sort of chore (sometimes), either watch TV or get on the computer to talk about my favorite obsession (Lost), then go to bed. Usually later than before, probably due in part to my higher Zoloft dose.

I am doing things that I could report, and don't know why I haven't. I had a regular doctor's appointment, something I haven't had in a few years, and learned that I may have to go on blood pressure medication if I can't get it down on my own. Stress, being overweight and more stress have apparently contributed to this, and since the MTHFR thing can tend to cause pre-eclampsia in pregnancy, it's extremely important for me to address it. (I don't really want to, but that's too bad. It's time.)

I saw my therapist again and we are now working on anxiety disorder issues. It's probably what caused my depression back in 1996-97, rather than the depression being the primary factor. I can see now that much of my issues have stemmed from anxiety, low self-esteem and worrying about all sorts of things that were out of my control.

So, long story short guys, I'm not sure how much I'll be blogging for the time being. I would love to say that I will get right back into the swing of things, but I know myself, and I think I may need a little break. It's been a tough time and rather than focus on it, I feel like allowing myself to just be, for a while. Maybe after my HSG (following my next period) I'll feel more up to posting, but I plan to just play it by ear at this point.

And that's what I'm going to do. I'll be back soon... and will try to check on you as much as I can.

5 Comments:

Anonymous Kath said...

Dear Lisa, I'm glad you're feeling a bit better, and are sorting some things out. I hope they resolve, including your blood pressure. I'm hoping, too, that everything good happens for you this year.

Take good care of yourself, and come back soon...

1/07/2006 7:27 AM  
Blogger Lorem ipsum said...

Don't worry about being coherent for our sake! If you feel better blabbing about the latest episode of 'Lost' (which I've never seen), blab away. But above all, take good care and feel better. We'll be here.

1/07/2006 9:47 AM  
Blogger Catherine said...

I must bore the crap out of you with all my nonsensical postings. lol

I'll miss you.

1/07/2006 10:15 AM  
Blogger Thalia said...

I'm glad you are doing what you need to do for you. Your therapist sounds like a good thing. Look after yourself.

1/07/2006 11:40 AM  
Blogger cat said...

Everyone needs holidays... may you find lots of good things come during yours.

1/07/2006 2:49 PM  

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