Saturday, November 12, 2005

The best laid plans...

Well, of course since I made grand declarations yesterday about how I was going to turn my life around and be a more positive person, G and I had a huge fight last night. I don't know why I expected otherwise; this year has progressed one step forward, two steps back practically from day one.

Particulars aside (since I've noticed from my stats that I've had a regular local visitor for a while now -- do I know you?), it was not pretty. There was yelling and defensiveness and bringing up past mistakes -- all the no-no's of "fair fighting" in relationships. I ended up sleeping in the family room. He left this morning to go to his last college football game of the season and didn't say goodbye.

It was, overall, just a stupid fight that turned ugly, but as our past history dictates, we tend to have one of these every six months or so. I hate them. All I want is to have the kind of marriage I always imagined marriage to be, and fights like this make me wonder "what are we doing wrong?"

My worst fear is that I'll never know.


Anonymous thalia said...

I hate our stupid fights too, they really stress me out. But H said after the last one, "you know, it's ok to fight sometimes. It doesn't mean we don't love each other." I think he's probably right. I think ppl who never fight just suppress too much. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

11/12/2005 1:13 PM  
Blogger cat said...

We have stupid fights too. I think all married folks do no matter how much we don't want them. Sometimes in the middle of the fight one of us will look at the other and start laughing because we do love each other and the fight in the end is part of that...

You are on the same side even when you feel like there is a huge chasm between you. He loves you, he wouldn't fight if he didn't.

Hope you two find peace and some beautiful make up sex! :)

11/12/2005 1:58 PM  
Blogger Lorem ipsum said...

The biggest fight J and I ever had? When he moved in and painted the office - which I'd recently lovingly painted three shades of blue - a screaming yellow, like a no-parking curb or school bus. I think it scared us enough that we didn't have another fight for months and months.

You two aren't clones of each other. You are bound to have disagreements from time to time. And six months is very good, I think. It's never fun, I know, but you are normal. Probably better than normal, in fact, in that regard.

11/12/2005 3:47 PM  
Blogger fisher queen said...

Ooh, those are the worst fights. I hate them, but sometimes I think the blame game needs to be played just once or twice, just to excorcise (sp?) it.

I wanted to tell you something about FSH, since you mentioned it at my place. It can fluctuate for YEARS (like 10 or more). What you don't want is consistently high levels.

Good luck with everything, and I hope you all make up and do some after fight snuggling.

11/12/2005 3:51 PM  
Blogger Catherine said...

You've been married five years and you've had a heck of a ride for the last one. I'd say a fight (or two) is going to sneak in every now and then. Don't be so hard on yourselves. There's nothing wrong with long as you remember how to apologize.

11/13/2005 9:49 AM  
Blogger Jill said...

I think there are actually studies to support that couples who have the odd big stupid fight (as opposed to constant high level bickering or no fighting at all) have healthier, longer lasting marriages. So releasing a little pressure in a stupid fight is better than waiting for a complete meltdown. You've just done something that seems awful but is terribly healthy:) I hope you two make up fast:)

11/13/2005 6:09 PM  

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