Monday, July 25, 2005

my life's work?

For the past three years and five months, I have worked on an IT project, first as a trainer, then as a systems analyst; the latter fancier title serving only to make my life more stressful than anything else. Along with this lovely title comes the part of the job description that reads: "provide ongoing troubleshooting, support, and maintenance, including 24/7 coverage as part of an on-call rotation". Yep, this is my week to "babysit the beeper", as we call it.

I have come to dread my week in the rotation more than nearly any other aspect of my job, which I don't particularly like anymore, anyway. (If you looked in the dictionary under the word "burnout" you might see my picture, haha). I suppose that since I can't seem to muster up the energy to find a new job, that I've got little right to complain, though, but that hasn't stopped me so far.

The real problem is... what I want to DO with my life, is be a mom. That is the only job I've ever really seen myself holding since I was about 10 years old.

Having your chance to be a mom taken away from you once is really bad. Having it taken away twice - and the second time *right* before you'd have gone on maternity leave with the first chance - is devastating. At least for me.

I have to figure out if I can continue to do something I *really* dislike until I can manage to snag the only job I really want. Time will tell.


Blogger Lorem ipsum said...

Hi Lisa -

Thanks for writing on my blog. I came and looked at yours, and that post really grabbed me. Twice, like you, I have looked forward to the day when I would be able to be a stay-at-home mom. (Same with right before maternity leave, too.) That's our vocation, isn't it? Now I'm out of a job and about to have a vacated womb.

Having a goal makes the mundane, boring and lousy job more tolerable. But then losing that chance makes everything in the world intolerable.

I'm glad I met you - just not under these circumstances.


7/26/2005 11:03 AM  

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